My husband did the
most unpredictable thing last week. He decided, all by himself, that I am not a
threat to public life on the scooter; hence I deserve a set of four wheels and
a steering wheel. So he went and bought a second hand Wagon R… to put his
belief to the test. So here we were Mr. and Mrs. Sarkari, proud owners of a tin
box on wheels. You say, what’s so great in that?!? My friend, the thing is that
neither of us knows how to drive. So we enrolled the services of a dear friend
who is blessed with a lot of free time on his hands but mainly who has loads of
patience to deal with a maniac like moi. Now please note, that this guy is the
master of a ship, he can command and hire and fire people like nobody’s
business… but he volunteered to teach ME!!! God bless him!
So day 1: first dilemma…
Coach has long legs and I don’t. So every time we switched seats, the seat had
to be pulled back and front. So one thing is certain, my seat adjustment works
just fine. Then the biggest challenge… TO REMEMBER THAT I HAVE TWO MORE WHEELS
AND THAT THIS IS NOT A SCOOTER! Man, that’s one thing that can be easily
forgotten. My poor coach who by now must be wondering why he volunteered for
this task, had his hands constantly on the hand brake! I think it was more of
an insurance for his safety as being in the soon forgotten passenger seat with
me in driver’s seat, can be life threatening.
Day 2: Become aware of
a few Rules of the Road. Such as ….
·
1. Always tie
up your hair tightly. When the window is rolled down and few loose strands fly
into your nose, you will feel like sneezing and accidently press the accelerator
instead of brake! Not that I did that… but came pretty close to it.
·
2. If you do
feel the need to abuse someone who is honking from behind, then please please
please, pull to the side-abuse-let him pass- and then start driving. Now this
rule is very important or else your car will drift to the left while you are exercising your vocal chords and
run over early morning joggers :(
·
3. Trying to
take a U-turn at the speed of 40 is not going to work since you haven’t married
Schumacher.
Day 3 onwards: A Zen
like perspective on life over takes you. You realize that a human can suffer
mini heart attacks because some doodhwala bhaiya decides to come right at you the
wrong way! If there is ever a petition of sending them back to Laaloo’s land, I
will sign it first. You realize that there are drunkards trying to cross the road
at 6.30am too. With all due respect dude, make up your mind, you coming or
going to the bar!!! And whats with all these crows and pigeons!!!! They come
right at you like the Japanese bombers who bombed Pearl Harbour! First time I actually
ducked! Then realized, damn it woman! You’ve got a roof over your head now!!! :) Fire away all you want!
So basically, things
have become calmer now in my little Wagon R. My coach has learnt to take his
hand off the hand brake! He can safely play candy crush while I crush someone’s
toe (not yet :P ) But then the battle has only just begun. We still have to
conquer the slopes of Malabar Hill and begin the dreaded chapter ‘ Perfect Parking’.
But that is another day, another blog. For now, if you see a silver Wagon
coming your way… just stay out of the way… and don’t even assume that I will
wave at you, coz waving is also a strict no-no in the rule book. Ask the poor
pedestrian whose smile froze as I waved at him.
