So
normally I try to blog about worldly things like friends, love, sex, traffic,
kids, etc etc. But today I am breaking my own trend and am gonna a write a quick
short piece on a movie I just saw. The reason being, my FB status is not enough
to vent out the entire episode. The movie in question is Dhoom-3.
now I know that most of you'all will hate me by the end of it. Some of you will even be so righteous as to tell me to not be judgmental about someone else. But sorry. I cant help it. For the entire duration of the movie, all i did was wait to get out and vent my frustration out on someone.
So first
of all, being tubelight-like runs in me and my boys. So at noon I was roaming
around the streets of Mumbai searching for the elusive cheap tickets for an evening show. Finally I
managed to zero in on New Empire. My multiplex bred boys had a firsthand
experience of how total tapori type audience watches such movies. If they were
embarrassed when I whistled and clapped during Krrish… this was a total
chullu-bhar-paani-mein doob jaane wala moment. Only difference was I was not
the one clapping and hooting in the audience. So coming back to the movie.
First of all… I had to make sure that I had not accidentally walked into another
block buster movie called ‘The Hobbit’. Because you see, the
protagonist/villain/grey character/bad man… was a short puny fellow who had to
fill quite large impressive feet of his predecessors. I mean the casting
director needs a whack on his/her backside for this goof-up! The screen is
larger than life. The movie has a larger than life background. The production
house is larger than life and there you go hiring a midget for a role which is
larger than life. I mean, they must have gone through so many inconveniences
because of one ‘little’ mistake. Imagine, the extra dancers had to give
audition based on their height. The heroine could not wear heels (coz without
them she was still towering over him!). The hero, a 6 point something feet guy
looked like he was constantly scolding a child. So I mean, the film lost out
majorly on that.
Then we
have the good cops. Unfortunately, the good cops in this movie were not allowed
any grand dhamakedar, hero-like entries because you see, that was already done
by the villain. So here you have a 6 ft tall guy breaking a brick wall in….
wait for it…. Drum roll….. take a deep breath…. An auto rickshaw. Now as much
as I respect the 3 wheeled wonder queen of the suburbs… I just thought that in
a movie where you are spending 20-30 crores, you would afford a cool enough
vehicle for the good cops. I know the dude in question doesn’t have any more
films in his kitty but puhleasseee…. He has married the ‘most beautiful woman’
on earth. Give him some credit. As for the second good cop, the less said the
better. He is just lucky to be on screen.
But do
you know who/what is the really winner in this ‘magnum phus phus’? It’s the bike!
I mean, how cool is it that it can run on water as well as land! Imagine what a
great boon it would be to someone like me! Traffic? No problem! Flick a switch
and it turns into a cycle! Floods during the monsoon?? No problem! One more
flick of the switch and voila! It is a speed boat. Wanna visit France??? No
problem!!! Flick on!!!! There, you have a jet at your disposal.
So the
only saving grace in this fracas… the sexy moves by the heroine. But alas! Out
of the 2 hours and 47 minute ordeal, she is on screen for a total of 17
minutes.
So me and
my boys returned back home with lighter pockets, fried brains and a vow to
watch Comedy nights with Kapil. Yes, because Gutti on Comedy Nights… is more
tolerable than watching an ‘Elf’ trying trapeze semi-nude.
p.s. all
those who love ‘the Elf’ please forgive me… I too once loved him. But this was
too much.
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